I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
