the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
