That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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