Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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