i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
