Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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