spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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