I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
