So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Randomize
