Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
