so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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