Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
