I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
