i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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