so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
