he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
