Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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