remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize