so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
