omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
