I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
