you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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