i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
