okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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