It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
