oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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