his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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