and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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