Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
