The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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