could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
