I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
