she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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