Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
