Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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