Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
