a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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