She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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