After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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