now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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