If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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