Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
