I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
splinters make it hard to masturbate
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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