when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
