Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I believe in your delicious
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
