Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
