no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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