Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize