remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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