i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
