We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
