he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
