Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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