He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize