There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
