I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
