hotel room ftw
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
