I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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