if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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