I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
