My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize