fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
