This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
