Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
