I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
home. puking in laundry basket.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
