oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
