she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When are your genitals available?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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