You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
