I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
