he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
