What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
